First of all thank you for making your way to my website! I hope I will be able to inspire you in one way or the other.
On this website I wish to give you an honest and open view of who I am and in time introduce you to different steps of my journey – including my transfirmation with Ayahuasca. I will be introducing different aspects of Sacred Medicine and the different areas I work with. We all have our own journey but I do believe that we can both learn from and inspire each other as well as support each other along the way.
There is of course a normal transformation taking place in all of us as we go through puberty and enter adult life. This transformation will continue throughout our lifetime as we grow, develop and learn. It is my belief that we all have certain themes and patterns that we repeart throughout our lifetime and well some are not as usefull as others. Some of the themes in my life seemed to evolve around my self esteem and (lack of) self love and the patterns I was repeating were especially self destructive behaviour. So these are the main things I have been working with in my transformation.
There is no specific date that marks a before and after. Instead there are a sequence of events that lead me to change the way I lived my life. From being very confused to being a lot less confused. From not knowing who I was to coming closer to finding myself.
Throughout my entire 20ies I was pretty confused. In my early 20ies I didn’t know what I wanted to study or where I was going with a career. Instead I worked several jobs and pursued my dreams of travelling and exploring the world. It was a great time and in all honesty I could probably have continued doing just that much longer, but as I have always tried my best to live up to expectations (my own and others) I felt like I should study something. So at the age of 26 I finished a marketing management degree only to realise that marketing was definitely not for me.
After some hard years in a beautiful long-distance relationship with my first true love my heart got completely broken and I completely lost my belief in love. My belief in love that had up until that point been my core value. This sent me spiralling into a very unhappy place with a wound that would take me years to heal. In hindsight I see that I probably had a depression back then, but I was not able to admit it at the time. Instead I put up a facade, partied too much and ran around in circles. But the truth is I felt very lost.
I realised that event planning was my thing and after working in the hotel industry for several years I decided to study event management instead. Finally I had found something I loved and I was also pretty good at it. A few years later I had landed a job that I really loved and dedicated myself 100% to and for a while I really lived for this job.
It was so important for me to live up to the expectations of my bosses that I let them place more and more work on my shoulders. Eventually I began cancelling things with my friends in order to meet my deadlines.
I kept myself so busy that there was no time to deal with my inner unhappiness. But everything was becoming a bit too much for me. In August 2017 I experienced a burnout.
Luckily I realised that as soon as I quit my job I was actually OK and this breakdown truly became a blessing in disguise. I began questioning why I put SO much effort in working for a boss that took me for granted and realised I wanted to do something different. Something in my life needed to change. The only question was what.
In January 2018 I went to India and finished my first 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training at Arhanta Yoga Ashram. I had never thought I was going to be a yoga teacher but here I was and I really enjoyed it. Shortly hereafter I completed my studies to become a masseuse and dreams of being my own boss began to take form. 2018 also became the year that I took my first step into the world of plant medicine with two Ayahuasca ceremonies.
One year after my first Ayahuasca ceremony I found myself back at the retreat center. But this time as a volunteer and as part of the helper team. This is when I realised that I was finally on the right track.
I will never forget that sunny September afternoon during a round of sharing when I suddenly realised that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Little did I know my journey had only just begun.
Back in the city I was working a full time office job and next to it I was doing all I could to slowly establish my own business working as a yoga teacher and a masseuse. Once a month I would go back to the retreat center to volunteer as a helper and this is truly where I blossomed. I slowly began finding my way into who I truly was and many important lessons and realisations took place during this time. It was all small steps unfolding little by little.
But even though my transformation was already unfolding there were still some patterns I could not seem to change. Some very self destructive behaviour was so deeply rooted in me that it was quite frankly ruining my life. Unwillingly I was keeping myself in a familiar place of unhappiness. The closer I came to healing my wounds the more self destructive I got. It was a never ending circle. Like a pendulum swinging from one side to the other.
2 years after my first Ayahuasca experience I was back on the mattress. This time I would be diving deep with 4 Ayahuasca ceremonies and this is when my journey catapulted me forward. It was a deep and transformational week and my connection with the the sacred medicine grew very strong. During this week I truly felt the work of the plants in my own being and now Ayahuasca was calling me to the jungle.
In April 2021 I went to Peru to participate in an 8 Week Initiation Course with the Ayahuasca Foundation. Nothing in my life had ever made this much sense and I felt truly guided and held by the universe. Every cell in my body was telling me that this was the right thing for me – and it was!
In a matter of 2 months my entire world and the understanding I had of it was completely turned around.
I finally came to the root cause of my self destructive behaviour and was able to meet it all from a very loving place within myself. The plants became my biggest teachers and I have never before felt so supported and guided in my life.
I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. Being on a path where I am able to assist others through their healing process is the most meaningful thing I have ever done. My entire being is filled with utter gratefulness to be able to do the work I do.
And at the same time I am very aware that my own transformation has still only just begun.